Group Process Consulting | For Women Only

Ideas about Women and Power

"When women are depressed they either eat
or go shopping. Men invade another country."
Elayne Boosler
The differences between what men and women CAN do...and what men and women WANT to do are more important than we once believed.

Sure we can do what men do...the problem is that we don't enjoy it as much. When the boys are treating the new product launch like an invasion, using terms like "kill the competition" and excusing bad treatment of salepeople as "friendly fire" or "necessary losses" women aren't usually having as much fun as the boys.

Sometimes it feels as if the entire male power structure systematically belittles and/or ignores women’s opinions and concerns. It happens all the time in the workplace. One woman told me about a group of male executives in a huff over inappropriate clothing about to send an email to reiterate their rather conservative dress code. Her concern, “I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” was considered unsupportive, dangerously divergent. They sent the email anyway. Low and behold, some showed up the next day in T-shirts and cut-offs as a protest. She kept her mouth shut. She’s not stupid. She knows what happens to uppity females who say, “I told you so.” Okay, these statements are gross oversimplifications – however, the kernel of truth that resonates has been around for thousands of years. The ancient myth of Cassandra presents that kernel of truth as an archetypal struggle between male arrogance and female caution.

Priam, King of Troy, presented his newly born twins, Cassandra and Helenus to be blessed by Apollo. Two golden snakes appeared from the palms of Apollo’s statue surrounding the girls as their snake tongues tickled the girls’ eyes, ears, and mouths delivering Apollo’s gift of foresight. Over the years, Cassandra grew so talented and so beautiful that Apollo himself appeared to “tutor” her. When she refused his advances he spit on her mouth cursing her, “Your lips shall tell the future true, but no man will believe you.” Prophecy is burden enough, but now she was not only helpless to avert danger, she was perceived as a threat herself because of her warnings. At her brother, Paris’ birth she knew his actions would destroy her beloved Troy. Yet, it was after the Trojan war began that the real pain came. Her precious father was embarrassed by her interruptions, and the lack of respect his own daughter showed for his decision to accept the gift of a spectacular horse from the surrendering Greeks. He had her banished when she defied his command to stay silent as they deconstructed their own walls to make an opening wide enough to accept the gift. Her tears left him cold.

That night she huddled in the temple of Athena, listening to the dying screams of every man and boy in Troy. It happened as she had seen it, the soldiers hiding inside the gift horse, crept out as soon as the Trojans drunk on wine and arrogance, slept. They killed every man and boy in Troy and took the women as slaves.

Have you ever been banished or silenced by a man who considered you off-track, disruptive, “not a team player,” or too emotional? Yeah, me too. It is easy to hold a conspiracy theory about men. The ‘bastards” are squeezing us out on purpose, right? Nope, believe it or not, I don’t think so. Okay some do, but we make a critical error when we assume that men in general, consciously ignore women’s concerns. Rather than refusing to see our point of view, most men try to see the 40 ft billboard we describe but when hard as they try, they simply see a blank, nada, at the most, nothing important enough to retract a decision (God forbid). If that is true and we are pointing at big scary monsters invisible to men, no wonder men treat women like we are crying wolf.

New research may indicate that men really don’t see the same things women see because they aren’t wired to see it. As one brain researcher put it, this selective vision has the effect of “giving men the luxury of ignoring” lateral circumstances and consequences that we, as women, find it painful to ignore. At a recent dinner party my friends were discussing how females constantly scan for emotional data, and one man confirmed, “Absolutely! That’s why men focus better than women. I’d hate to be a woman! You guys (sic) see too much. It’s like you’re hooked up to the internet 24/7. All of that constant incoming [data] keeps you confused.” Hm-m-m-m. All a man need do in order to “focus better” is stop receiving incoming information. That explains a lot.

"Don’t hate women, just because we are beautiful….and brilliant!"

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Ideas about Women and Power